did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
