i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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