OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
