here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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