She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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