you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
