Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
