just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
