I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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