i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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