Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
