I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
