I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
