There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
