Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
