my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
