Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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