there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
