You're a womanizer and a bitch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize