i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
