I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
