I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
