i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
