i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
