There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
