I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
