So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
