I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
