My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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