I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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