Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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