I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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