Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had sex on a roof
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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