then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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