I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
