haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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