Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
