Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
