and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
