i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
