Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
