K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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