this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize