Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
