got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize