I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize