There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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