U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
