You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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