The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
