It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Two words: nipple clamps
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