I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My orgasm happened in two different decades
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
