But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
