What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
