conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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