i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
