Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He kissed a someone with a penis
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
