Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
