Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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