I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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