I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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