Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
