while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
