Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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