Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
