Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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