I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
