If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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